Subject Line Standoff

Subject lines are simultaneously an art and a science and they’re a big part of my role as a copywriter because we want those nicely designed emails we all spend hours on to be seen.

But there’s a problem, people like me, non-openers. So then it occurred to me, I should build a campaign to single out my annoying, statistically unhelpful self.

I reckon this would work on me pretty quickly, but what kind of brand would have the cojones?

The below lines would follow in order until an open was achieved (or the recipient gets to the end of the series).

To open or not to open? Subject lines can be a battle

1. Name, if you don’t open this email you’re a loser
2. Name, why didn’t you open our last email? Loser.
3. It’s official Name, you’re a loser, find out why inside.
4. Congratulations Loser Surname, you’ve missed out.
5. Hi loser, here’s what you missed out on.
6. Learn your lesson, loser? open THIS email.
7. OMG Name, there’s no convincing you!!!!!!!
8. Okay Name, you passed the test, find out why.
9. NAME SURNAME. WE TALK DIRECTLY TO YOU. OPEN EMAIL.
10. Name, open this email for untold riches
11. Congratulations Name, you’re marketing-proof.
12. You’re tough little b*tch, I like you.
13. Text “loser” to XXXXXX for a free voucher, you little scamp.
14. Bye forever, you have been removed from our email database.

I think after all that it’s probably fair to just automatically opt them out, don’t you?

It could probably work for someone like Old Spice, Denny’s or one of the other postmodern zeitgeisty marketing producers. Let us know if these would work on you, and if do, at which email and why?